Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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