I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
