If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
