Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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