Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
