Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
