I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize