I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
