There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
