When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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