you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We talked him into tasing himself.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
