Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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