You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My ass is underappreciated
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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