The maid of honor just puked.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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