I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
