Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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