what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
