I want to have your abortion
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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