I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
