I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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