i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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