In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
