he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
