idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
