is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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