I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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