can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
