I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
