I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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