Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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