So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
