Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I could fuck to npr.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
