I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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