You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
