Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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