So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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