So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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