i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
