For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
