awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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