Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
