I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
