if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
