Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
