You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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