i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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