aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Terrible idea I love it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
