She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
