We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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