So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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