I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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