"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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