I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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