Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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