I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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