So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
