God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
