You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
