Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
