So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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