Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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