The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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