her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
