I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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