Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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