I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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