Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
