I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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