I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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