I think I am morally bankrupt
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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