Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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